But I keep blogging. ’cause I’m a BLOG WHORE.
I’m in a snit. So this post won’t have any substance of any kind.
But I still have the distinct feelinng that no one but my mom reads my blog anyway, so it won’t fucking matter. Ha.
“You can only be at one place at a time.”
Right now, Charlie and I are sitting in my bedroom with a computer each – writing to each other on msn messenger. We’re tying to trumph each other with euphemisms for the male reproduction organ, or the grossest people to shag. And people think I should get out more.
It’s now named Fladdor.
It’s 12 weeks and three days old.
It’s got a white fuzzy overall, with paws and ears,
And I can’t wait until It gets here.
I can’t help but feel extremely foolish. And stupid. And Angry.
There’s only so much I can give you.
And there’s only so much I can handle after all this time.
I’m not gonna be the one to blame for this.
And neither, for FUCK’S SAKE, is she.
As you might have surmised from my previous entry, I didn’t get much sleep last night.
I apologise in advance for any spell errors. I don’t have energy to backspace and correct right now.
When I have my second child, I Pray To GOD that my first child does not get inflicted with the Older-Child-Goes-Jealous-Syndrome. I had to deal with a kid like that today, and LORD ABOVE, even I had a problem producing sympathy for the creature. Everything – and I mean everything – was equal to delivering the news that the kids’ dog had been run over by a semi. And there was a lack of actual tears, there would be an abundance of wailing to compensate. Jesus, Lord, have mercy. And I wanted to have lots of these little things running about?
Anyway, I’m tired beyond recognition. I’m gonna have some dinner now, and then I’m gonna set up camp on the couch with strawberries, crisps and chocolate. So sue me, it’s friday. I’m gonna… indulge. That’s what I’m gonna do. Indulge.
I have been dreaming a lot lately.
And not your run-of-the-mill-running-but-getting-nowhere dreams, no, I dream about Taizé. More specifically, I dream of me and Charlie in Taizé – being stalked by The Diabetes Man.
First time around it was kinda funny. I dreamt there was this man in church in Taizé who fainted. Apparently I was the only one around with a vague idea what to do (which usually is the case IRL aswell). So I sit with the guy and when he comes around he whispers in this hysterically weak voice, ‘I have diabetes’. So I ask him if he needs insulin or sugar, and he says insulin. I grab a big (huge is more like it) syringe from his bag, roll him over onto his stomach and stick the needle in his butt. Three minutes later he’s perky and cheerful and walks away with a bounce in his step.
Now, one might claim I have a Saving People Thing (haha), and I would agree had it not been for the fact that five minutes later at Oyak (the place to be at night in Taizé) the guy turns up again. Still fainting, whispering about diabetes and I end up sticking a needle in his but again. Last night I dreamt of him again. Only this time he had a co-star; The dog me and Charlie are planning on getting once we get back form Taizé. The Diabetes Man kept stealing the dog from us, only he wouldn’t get very far. Once he got hold of him and started running away he would faint. And I would end up giving him his insulin shot. Again.
Last night, The Diabetes Man was chasing me. He wanted to drown me. I don’t now why it was scary; every time he was even close to success he fainted. Aand I gave him his insulin. Again.
After a short nap, during which Charlie called five times and I didn’t wake up, I go out to have a cigarette. It’s still windy outside. The clouds are moving by, and I can see the rain falling some kilometres away. Suddenly I’m struck by the picture in the clouds. It’s a Giant Dragon. With a huge horned head, a neck and a wing, sweeping just over the field outside our back door. The belly is the rain drifting just by me. I show the dragon – quickly but silently named Norbert – to mom, who says she sees it too. Though it’s possible she agreed to avoid hurting my crazy, Harry Potter-y feelings.
Anyway, Strawberries now. Later – Mia’s musical.